Fathers and Sons - The Relationship That Sustains a Civilization
A Boy Watching His Mentor
Not long ago, I received a phone call from my girlfriend that I’ll remember for the rest of my life.
She and the boys had just returned from the grocery store. Her hands were full of bags as she walked from the car toward the house. Before she made it halfway up the driveway, the oldest boy walked up beside her, reached up, and took the heavier bags out of her hands.
She asked him what he was doing.
And he answered with the calm certainty children sometimes have when they repeat something they have come to believe.
“Men carry heavy things, Mama.”
I wasn’t there to see it. But I could picture it perfectly. And when she told me what had happened, I realized something that hit deeper than any formal leadership lesson I had ever learned.
He wasn’t just repeating a rule I had explained.
He was repeating behavior he had watched.
Over time, he had noticed something simple: when something heavy needed carrying, I picked it up. When a door needed opening, I opened it. When something broke, I tried to fix it. When his mother spoke, I listened.
No speeches. No lectures. Just example. When he asked why I did it, I told him men carry heavy things.
Children study the men around them long before they ask questions about manhood. They watch how you enter a room. They watch how you speak to their mother. They watch how you handle frustration. They watch whether your strength is loud or steady.
Years later, they repeat what they saw.
That quiet transfer—from observation to imitation to identity—is how civilizations actually continue.
Not through speeches.
Not through laws.
But through the steady transmission of competence and character from fathers to sons.
Now contrast that image with the present.
Millions of boys today are growing up without that man in the room.
Without the model.
Without the instruction.
Without the example.
And the consequences are appearing everywhere—from classrooms to workplaces to the most tragic statistic of all: the rising number of young men who decide life itself is no longer worth living.
Which is why a growing number of policymakers, scholars, and community leaders are proposing something simple but overdue: the creation of a White House Council on Fathers and Sons.
Not as symbolism.
But as a recognition that the formation of boys into men is a national priority.
The Crisis Facing Boys and Men
Today’s boys and men face measurable challenges that previous generations rarely encountered at this scale.
According to the National Center for Education Statistics, men now earn significantly fewer college degrees than women. In many universities, the gender gap continues to widen.
Economically, the situation is equally concerning. According to the Federal Reserve Bank of St. Louis, men today earn less in real wages than they did in 1979. While the American economy has grown enormously over that time, many young men feel as though their place within it has grown less certain.
The most tragic indicator of all is found in mental health data. The National Institute of Mental Health reports that male suicide rates have climbed steadily for two decades. In 2021, the suicide rate for men was four times higher than for women.
These numbers are not abstract.
They represent fathers, sons, brothers, and friends.
As the scholar Richard Reeves writes in Of Boys and Men, many public programs designed to support young people simply are not reaching boys effectively. Policies designed for “youth” often overlook the distinct developmental needs of boys.
The result is a generation of young men navigating adulthood with fewer supports, fewer mentors, and fewer clear expectations than previous generations.
But to understand why this matters so deeply, we must step back and recognize a truth understood by thinkers across centuries:
Civilizations depend on the successful formation of men.
What History Teaches About the Formation of Men
Aristotle — Virtue Must Be Taught
More than two thousand years ago, Aristotle observed that virtue does not arise automatically.
It must be taught.
In the Nicomachean Ethics, he explains that character develops through habit and imitation. Courage, discipline, and responsibility are not abstract ideas. They are learned through repeated action, guided by those who already embody them.
Young men become courageous by practicing courage. They become responsible by carrying responsibility. They become strong by carrying weight.
And most often, they learn those lessons by imitating someone they admire.
For most of human history, that teacher was the father.
Tocqueville — Families Are the First School of Citizenship
When Alexis de Tocqueville traveled through the United States in the early nineteenth century, he was struck by the strength of American civic life. But he did not attribute that strength primarily to laws or institutions.
He attributed it to families.
In Democracy in America, Tocqueville argued that democratic societies depend on citizens capable of self-government. But that capacity does not emerge automatically.
It is formed in the habits of everyday life.
Children watch how their parents behave. They learn restraint, responsibility, and respect long before they understand politics or philosophy.
The household, Tocqueville believed, is the first school of citizenship.
When those formative institutions weaken, democratic culture weakens with them.
Theodore Roosevelt — The Strenuous Life
At the dawn of the twentieth century, Theodore Roosevelt delivered speeches about what he called the strenuous life.
Roosevelt believed that a healthy nation required men who were willing to meet difficulty with courage and discipline. Comfort alone could not sustain a republic. Character had to be forged through responsibility.
He warned that societies become fragile when challenge disappears and when young men are not expected to carry weight.
Responsibility—toward family, work, and community—was not merely a personal virtue.
It was a national necessity.
The Collapse of Male Formation
The modern West is now experiencing precisely the breakdown many thinkers warned about.
Fatherlessness
Millions of American boys grow up today without consistent paternal guidance.
Research repeatedly shows that father absence correlates strongly with higher rates of incarceration, educational failure, substance abuse, and long-term economic instability.
A boy without a father figure often has to invent his understanding of manhood alone.
Some succeed.
Many do not.
Cultural Confusion About Masculinity
In recent decades, cultural narratives have often framed masculinity itself as inherently problematic.
Boys hear contradictory messages.
Be strong—but not too strong.
Be confident—but not assertive.
Be ambitious—but not competitive.
The result is not balance, it is confusion. Boys are treated as though they are a problem to be solved instead of a tool to be honed.
Historically, masculinity was understood as disciplined strength in service of others—strength used to protect, provide, and build.
That understanding has largely disappeared from public conversation.
Digital Isolation
At the same time, young men today are more isolated than previous generations.
Large portions of their lives unfold in digital environments—online communities, gaming platforms, algorithm-driven social spaces.
What many lack are the real-world experiences that historically helped boys mature:
physical challenge
mentorship
responsibility
community
Without those experiences, many young men remain psychologically unanchored well into adulthood.
The Purpose of a White House Council on Fathers and Sons
Recognizing the scale of this challenge, a small group of patriots, including Reps Moran and Van Orden, with help from a number of veterans, Dr. Warren Farrell, and Ami Sanchez, have proposed establishing a White House Council on Fathers and Sons.
The purpose of the council is straightforward.
Not political symbolism.
Coordinated action.
The council would work across federal agencies to strengthen programs that:
promote father involvement in families
combat deaths of despair among men and boys
support mental, physical, spiritual, and economic development as boys transition into manhood
Representatives from cabinet-level agencies, nonprofit organizations, private-sector leaders, and academic institutions would collaborate to develop recommendations for the White House on policies that positively impact the lives of fathers and sons.
The council would operate primarily through the Department of Commerce, using existing appropriations and interagency coordination.
Importantly, previous administrations have established White House Councils on Women and Girls.
No equivalent council has ever existed for men and boys.
Establishing one would simply acknowledge an obvious reality:
The well-being of boys and men matters to the future of the nation.
Recovering the Father–Son Relationship
Policy can help.
But cultural renewal matters just as much.
Restore the Cultural Importance of Fathers
Fatherhood must once again be recognized not merely as financial support, but as moral and practical mentorship.
Boys need fathers who show them:
how to solve problems
how to control anger
how to endure hardship
how to carry responsibility
These lessons are rarely taught through lectures.
They are taught through example.
Education That Works for Boys
Educational systems must also acknowledge developmental differences.
Many boys benefit from:
movement and physical engagement
structured competition
mentorship and apprenticeship
practical skill development
Ignoring these realities leaves many boys disengaged from learning.
Challenge and Initiation
Across cultures, boys became men through challenge.
Responsibility.
Trial.
Modern societies rarely provide those experiences anymore.
Reintroducing meaningful challenges—physical, intellectual, and moral—helps boys develop resilience, competence, and confidence.
The Generational Relay
Civilizations endure through a simple process. One generation prepares the next. Fathers teach sons how to live, how to carry responsibility, how to build and maintain.
Sons eventually become fathers themselves. Knowledge passes forward from generation to generation. When that relay breaks, societies drift quickly into something unrecognizable.
But when it works, something remarkable happens. A boy watches his father. Years later, he realizes that the calm competence he admired as a child has become part of him. And one day, his own son is standing nearby, watching him work.
Civilization continues not through grand declarations, but through moments like that. Which is why restoring the father–son relationship is not nostalgia. It is stewardship of the greatest civilization in human history.
And recognizing its importance may be one of the most important acts of national renewal our generation can undertake.
Now, we are calling on you for support. Call your congressman and Senators today. Let them know about this bill, HR 7800. Demand they participate. Together, we can save masculinity in our culture and, as a result, save our country.
Full bill: https://www.congress.gov/bill/119th-congress/house-bill/7800/all-actions-without-amendments
Thanks for this one Dan. im currently dating a single mom with a son (12 years old) and we're about to be moving in together so diving in head first